The world is not actually at war with you…

I’m a writer. I’m all about language, word choice. As an editor, it’s easy enough to pick up on other people’s default words–you know, the words they overuse without thinking about them. But it’s super interesting to pick up on your OWN word choice and to consider what these default words say about you.

To listen to me talk (or write), you’d think I was raised on the outskirts of Kandahar, besieged by one military force after the other. My language is rife with blood, guts, battles, guns, shooting…. (BTW, I was raised in the suburbs of Connecticut, not war-torn Afghanistan.)

If your language is the fingerprint of your thinking, then something’s up with this tendency of mine. If I were to guess,  it means that I best put the shield down and learn to trust my boundaries, instincts, and self more. Because not everyone is looking to scale my ramparts and take me down. All that armor I carry to keep me safe, which is evidenced by my words, is not only heavy, it keeps goodness out as well. It’s what I might call a connection cock-blocker.

Mental toughness isn’t always about being tougher, fiercer, more impenetrable; sometimes it’s about relaxing into your self, trusting that you have good discernment, that you can differentiate between good and bad, harmful or helpful. Mental toughness is about disciplined thinking, careful language, well-thought-out action.

While I’ll never be a unicorn and rainbow kind of person, I think it’s time I choose a different set of words that signal to my brain–and to others–that I’m not at war.