Some of the wildest, east-coast Canadian childhood memories that I carry with me start with being 5yrs old, and holding on for my life (literally) while being dragged across a hayfield with my grandfather’s old chain-driven rake being hauled behind us. And even today – at 50yrs of age, every time I look in a mirror I’m reminded of this (what we’d now absolutely consider ‘extremely traumatic’) incident by the large mass of scar tissue that sits squarely in the middle of my lower lip (which was where the rusty end of the old heavy bolt that was holding the rake onto the tractor was vibrating on my lip – which was between the bolt and my teeth – as I hung on and screamed and cried for my grandfather to hear me and stop the tractor before it was too late).
You know, this 5’9″ body never actually did catch up to all that my mind thought I could do after surviving such a horrifically wild accident, but I’ve so far survived it all; bouncing at 2 different clubs, fire fighting, EMT work, racing cars on the back roads as a teen, and more (I’ll save some of the worst for private messaging – in case my kids ever read this! LOL!).
I was always so keen to meet people. Always so genuinely interested in what made them who they were – and I still am. I’d strike up conversations with strangers in restaurants, or pumping fuel, or maybe in a coffee shop lineup…and so ultimately fell into sales or sales/marketing/networking related positions over my lifetime (while also carrying out my love of adrenaline – and pushing life’s boundaries in the extracurricular mention above, fighting fires and the like).
Then, on October 23, 2015 it all came to an unexpected, screeching halt…when the hopeless urge to launch my brand new, FORD Explorer Sport w/twin turbocharger off of the local electrical dam hit me one bright, sunny morning on the way to my then contracted position at a company in the city…after months of struggling with uncharacteristic emotions, unbelievable self-doubt and self-worth issues, sleepless nights filled with numerous, vivid accounts of past fire and ems calls, negative reactions to loud, unexpected stimuli, and more.
The diagnosis after seeking emergency intervention that afternoon? PTSD and ADHD (with a small side-order of OCD). At 44yrs of age! Who’d have ever guessed? Especially from the ‘mentally tough’ farm kid fire-fighter who was always quick to be the 1st into every scene?
Skip ahead a few years, because I very clearly (and fortunately) didn’t carry through with it (which they have credited to my ADHD potentially having rationalized the potential aftermath of the act; in two newborn/young children at home, wife having flown a few provinces away on a work trip 1st week back to work from her Maternity Leave, my mother – who was visiting to care for our young children would have answered the door to the police making the notification, etc.).
I’m SO fortunate (AND grateful) that the universe has shown me how this yearning in understanding others, our minds, our full neurology, energy, and the like is a gift that I should be using in helping others see their way to authenticity, to rational cognition, and to see the opportunity in a life they may not even know they truly want (deep down – away from them trying to be what they feel everyone else wants them to be).
I proudly wear this wicked-awesome ‘t’ because it almost completely sums up what my work these days is about; understanding the rationality in how our lives can be experienced. The opportunity in limiting anxiety through authentic expectations of self, and recognizing the strength we each have within us – providing we’re not constantly dousing it with the fuel of doubt and self-sabotaging rhetoric. Our body’s very real ability in ‘healing self’ when we apply ourselves in it (and/or ‘allow’ it). The extraordinary power we’re fortunate to witness in this ultimate sport of Mental Toughness. A power that’s absolutely ours to control.
Chris, I love you man. I love this t-shirt, and I love this growing tribe. I love what you’re doing, and I love that we’re all able to witness and share in it. “Ain’t bad…just is, eh!”
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